If you spend much time on the Internet, you might start to get some false ideas about people and their lives. And I don’t just mean in the way that the nice young lady from Iowa that you’re chatting with about breastfeeding is actually a burly, hairy, shirtless man. (Although that totally happens, y’all. I watch Lifetime.) I’m talking about the way we showcase our lives through social media.
It’s Game Night! And Mom and Dad are going to lose.their.minds by the time we’re done playing Cootie!
I’m just as guilty of it as the next person, uploading photos of all the cute ‘lil crafts we’re doing at home, Instagrammin’ the fun little outings we take, and Tweeting the adorable things they say. And that’s all well and good, except when you realize you forgot to Instagram the anger on your face when your preschooler screamed and slapped you. And you somehow missed Tweeting that your kids are still in their jammies at 5pm – not because you’re having an “Awesome PJ Day!” but because you just don’t have the energy to make anyone look their best today (By 2pm, what’s the point?). Did you see this video of my kids rolling on the floor under the table and refusing to eat their food at our nice Sunday dinner at a restaurant last week? Oh yeah, I must have forgotten to put that one up…
I get it, I promise you! I want people to see that we do have fun at home but seriously? There’s a lot of screaming, crying, and whining, too. My two year old has an irritating habit of slapping my arm and saying “No, YOU stop it!” and my 4 year old spends way too much time playing on the iPad. I tend to yell rather than calmly communicate my needs and wishes when I’m at the end of my rope. Am I proud of this? Of course not. And because I’m not proud of it, I go out of my way to show you how great things are, usually with careful cropping and filters. Some days it looks like I’m trying to act out my entire Pinterest feed — Look at these awesome healthy snacks! Did you see this fabulous artwork I made from kitchen trash? I made an educational and entertaining game using only shoelaces and glitter!
*whew* It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
Look. I’m not saying we need to glamorize the ways we daily fall short. I don’t mean to suggest that you start cataloging your every “Mommy Fail” to prove that you’re imperfect. I’m just saying it’s okay to let your guard down and let others see that you’re human. Sometimes those little glimpses into another mom’s life can help you feel normal – not superior or inferior, just normal. Real.
Today’s Reality Challenge is to take your kids somewhere (in public) that they tend to misbehave or act in ways that makes you feel embarrassed by their behavior (Grocery store? Restaurant?) and just let them be themselves. Don’t let them do anything dangerous, please don’t try to get yourselves kicked out of a store, I just want you to let them be kids and not lose your cool. Try not to give apologetic looks to other people, don’t worry about what people are going to say about the mom with the crazy kids, just remain calm and enjoy the freedom of being real.Editing for clarity’s sake: Is there a normal child behavior that makes you really stressed when out in public? Something that you know isn’t a big deal but it makes you paranoid? Today’s Reality Challenge is to work on our reaction to that behavior. This isn’t about letting your kids be wild or engage in unusual, bad behavior. This is about controlling your gut instinct to panic when your child speaks louder than normal or unexpectedly goes bolting down the aisle of the store. Do what you need to do to control the situation (please!), just don’t let it make you feel like a bad mom.
Maybe you don’t have a choice and your kids will be going with you wherever you go and you’re past the point of being embarrassed. Try the Super Challenge: Take a photo (or video!) of the moment when stuff has gotten real at your house (the tantrum, the blur of your children running away from you when they’re supposed to be having a quiet rest time, or something similar that you wouldn’t want others to witness) and share it with someone who hasn’t seen that side of your life yet.
Please join me on The Reality Challenge and share these posts with your friends! Leave a comment telling me you’re in on the challenge and what you did! Sign up for Reality Check, a free email newsletter with two more weeks of Reality Challenge actions!
About Krista
I enjoy the tantrum stories better than the cutsie ones. My children can be ADORABLE, but they can be hellions as well. I try to share it all as a cautionary tale to those who think having a baby will be a cuddles and kisses and not feces all over you.
Yesterday, we had to make a late evening run to the grocery store for a couple things. Av was skipping and hopping just in front of our cart, singing quite loudly some song he made up. He got a few dirty looks, to which I just smiled at, but more people were amused by him. Most days I’d have probably asked him to settle down but last night I didn’t. Not quite the challenge but similar.
I really love this idea!!!!
I understand what you are saying about posting only the “good” and not the bad and ugly. BUT, remember there are other people trying to make their children BEHAVE in public and maybe we don’t want to be around your kids while you let them express their bad behavior. Let them run naked in the backyard (weather permitting) or have a pillow fight inside your house. Please remember that your shining angels are not my shining angels and I might be trying to get things done without having to hear your kids singing loudly or jumping around.
Aren’t you afraid this is sending mixed messages to your children? Like today you don’t have to mind me, but tomorrow when this little experiment is over you better shape up. I’m sorry, I do get what you’re trying to do here, but we do have to teach our children how to behave in public. Running around and being loud and silly at home is fine, but people don’t want to deal with it in public. And really they shouldn’t have to. Hey, I’ve got four kids, but I will not stop apologizing to people out in public if my child does something inappropriate because how else are they going to learn? I think this is a very dangerous experiment in social behavior at the expense of your children.
Monica – No, I’m not at all suggesting that you let your kids get away with murder today! I’m saying that sometimes we over-parent just for the sake of appearances.
For instance, things that wouldn’t bother most people in public, I tend to be really paranoid about. Many people wouldn’t give it a second thought if they saw my kids just being kids but I get really tense and stressed for some reason.
Dana – Again, I’m not asking people to let their kids break all the rules today. I’m just saying don’t kill yourself trying to meet some kind of unreasonable expectation. If I keep up appearances that my kids never speak unless spoken to, never ask for things they can’t have, or balk at riding in the grocery cart seat, I’m going to go insane. That stuff happens and while I don’t have to tolerate blatant misbehavior, I also don’t have to act like my kids aren’t kids.
This is a great challenge. I’m all about keeping it real. I think we learn and grow from those real moments so much more than all of the perfect ones. Plus, when I listen to my mom and her siblings tell stories about growing up they are never laughing until tears come out of their eyes over the perfect stuff. I would rather give my kids a story than a perfect life.
So maybe instead the challenge you are really trying to get people to do is to just share those moments. I mean obviously the people you come into contact day in and day out are going to see what’s actually happening, I think what you are really wanting people to do is to share that their child did in fact run up and down the aisles and how they were reprimanded for doing that, but to just not care what other people think. That is a good lesson. I could care less what the lady in the store who says are all of those kids YOURS has to say and I really pay it no mind because it just does not matter. I’m most likely never going to see that person again anyways. But from the sounds of it you are telling people to let loose a little too much in a way that could be confusing. Relax, but maintain control is what you are asking people to do and then share how it went, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I will give one other caution as the mother of a teenager, remember that your children just might be embarrassed by their own behavior when they get older. So I know for me I don’t always share fully the utter aggravation I experienced when my child colored on the wall of a house we were moving out of with permanent marker. She doesn’t even like when I retell the story now. So while it’s good and therapeutic even to let it all out you need to remember this stuff will still be there when our kids get older and aren’t so amused by their antics. And really would wish mom didn’t share every single aspect of her life, good, bad, or indifferent.
Jennifer – Thanks
Monica – Yes, I guess I need to edit the challenge, if it’s confusing. Like use common sense…Obviously don’t make anyone angry, don’t take your wild kids to a funeral.
Maybe I get unusually stressed by my children’s poor behavior in public. I know I need to relax more, because I don’t believe (other than one time when my oldest was shushed by a librarian) that they’ve ever acted especially bad, not in a way that others would be bothered by.
And I totally agree about over-sharing. That’s why I suggest just sharing it with someone, not posting it on Facebook or your blog. Some things are best left to the imagination
Maybe your next challenge should be for some people to remove the stick.
I’ve made the following change to today’s post:
Editing for clarity’s sake: Is there a normal child behavior that makes you really stressed when out in public? Something that you know isn’t a big deal but it makes you paranoid? Today’s Reality Challenge is to work on our reaction to that behavior. This isn’t about letting your kids be wild or engage in unusual, bad behavior. This is about controlling your gut instinct to panic when your child speaks louder than normal or unexpectedly goes bolting down the aisle of the store. Do what you need to do to control the situation (please!), just don’t let it make you feel like a bad mom.
I think all these “keeping it real” posts are excellent encouragers! What great concepts Krista! I find the whole world of mothering very judgmental, even if the perceptions are just that-the way I percieve how others view me and my mothering skills. How often do we pass a harried looking mom in Kroger with spastic kids and judge her?! Instead, do we try asking her if she needs a hand, or give her a been there done that look and go home and pray for her? Lets face it, if you had kids and you took them out in public, we’ve all been there and done that! Its a great idea to ask moms to try to keep it real, both in their expectations and in their attitudes towards other moms!! Looking forward to more challenges!