We all want our kids to be nice and pleasant when out in public. We teach them manners, we help them learn the difference between an “inside voice” and an “outside voice”, and we work with them on conversational words and phrases.
But what happens when they cross the line between appropriate and inappropriate interaction with strangers in public?
I think maybe it’s a good problem to have that Miles (who just turned 4) is speaking well and is confident enough to walk up to completely unknown people in stores and restaurants and start up a conversation, but at times it’s a little uncomfortable. He is lately asking women “How old are you?” and also demanding that people talk back to him before moving on.
I don’t want to scold him for speaking to people, because I’m glad he is being friendly and for the most part he isn’t being rude, he’s just being a four year old, but I’m still struggling with teaching him the more appropriate ways to approach and talk to people. I can’t help but worry that soon he’ll pull something out of my three year old playbook, asking an old man at church “Why don’t you have any hair?? What happened to your hair??”
A few weeks ago we went camping and he struck up a conversation with a young woman walking back to her campsite from the shower building. He proceeded to ask her if she had gone “potty” and then congratulated her on a good job! She did laugh and seemed charmed by him, but other people aren’t so enamored with him, especially when he touches them on the leg and sometimes (accidentally) in the, uh, crotchular region.
I would love to hear your thoughts, opinions, and advice on this stage of social growth in kids. What do you think about preschoolers striking up conversations with strangers in public?
About Krista
Krista, I do not believe there is a child in the universe that does not do this in public from time to time. I used to feel apprehensive about things they say in public, but I have decided not to sweat it anymore….kids are curious and quite frankly they actually make comments that are spot on….when we were in Disney one year, the cashier was a woman, but had very short hair and more masculine glasses on…Reese asked me several times if that was a boy or girl….every time I glared at her, she got louder because I had not answered her yet. Another family that I know (and their kids are very mannered) was in line at the grocery store and asked his dad what he thought the biggest butt in the world was…..our friends were mortified as he saw their son with his arms spread measuring the extremely large ladies bottom right in front of them! Miles is only 4 and if people can’t handle the curiosity in that little guy, then too bad!! And also, Reese will and does talk to everybody she encounters in public and most of the time adults are not put out by this, but if they are I try to move her from the situation but definitely do not lose sleep over it.
We’ve had issues with this recently, too. Not so much striking up conversations with people, but talking VERY loudly about them. Like the lady with the tatoo yesterday, “Mommy, what did she draw all over her arm?” Or the people speaking a different language yesterday that she proceeded to mimic. I have no idea what they were saying, but she felt like she should repeat it. And a couple days ago there were some ladies (who I presume were Minnonite) wearing the doily-looking things on their heads, She said, “Mommy, is that Mary?!” Oy. Hope you get some good answers!
My daughter is a talker, and she comes by it honest because her grandmother (whom she is named after) was the same way. She NEVER met a stranger. When you are an adult that isn’t quite as scary as when you are three. Finally now at seven I’ve got her to where she doesn’t talk to everyone we meet. Well, at least not all the time. My issue was safety. I’m a stranger danger freak.
The manners thing? I think it is just consistency. You just keep repeating what you want him to know. I think I used, “we don’t talk about people’s appearance.” Eventually he will get it.
I agree with the above responses. I have 4 kids and my first two did the same, my 3rd is at that point she is 4. My 13 yo aske a good friend, a man, when he was going to have his baby as she rubbed his belly. Luckily it was taken as very funny, but I still remember feeling like I was going to freak out when she said it. My niece at that age asked a guy, who was very large while we were trick or treating, why he was so fat. He told her it was because he ate to much candy, her response “you should give me all that candy then, because I am skinny” Her mom and I couldn’t get to the next house quick enough. Kids will be honest and say what comes to mind. If someone can’t handle that I feel they need the help. I have never had an adult react negatively to anything that my kids said out of curiosity. I would just remind mine that everyone is different and you always need to be nice. It will get better and easier. Keep in mind that these will be great stories when they are older!! LOL!
Haha, Langley and Gillian talk to everybody, and Langley is very touchy feely. I go with it and just hold him back when it’s obviously not appropriate (he wanted to hug and kiss everyone bye at school). I think most people will be fine with blunt questions. A person that is bald most likely already knew that– I have had talks about not calling people old or fat. Being cute and young will let him get away with a lot
It’s not that I think he’s doing anything unusual for the 4 year old set or anything, I’m just not sure how to teach him when it’s appropriate and when it’s not. I’m not sure he can “read” people yet enough to know if he is bothering them.
Too funny! My daughter is 4 and does the exact same thing. My friend took off her glasses the other day and my daughter told her to put her glasses back on because she looked funny. I usually just gently correct her, even if it’s in front of the person. I’m hosting a blog hop today called the Mommy-Brain Mixer, and I would love for you to come visit and link up this post! So far it’s been tons of fun and sharing with other moms! http://www.two-in-diapers.blogspot.com/2012/07/introducing-thursday-mommy-brain-mixer.html