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Let’s Get Real

We love having guest posts here at The Playdate Crashers!  We love giving you another platform for your thoughts and stories and we love getting a little break!  Today we have a guest post from Stacy at Stirrups, Stretchmarks, and Snotty Noses!  Enjoy!

I’m nearing wit’s end.  Or maybe I’m already there?  This whole being a mommy thing isn’t as easy as some of you pretend.  Sure, we have our good days, but it’s usually more like we have our good hours (or twenty minutes!).  I knew life would be a little chaotic with a two year old and an infant, but I think I underestimated.  The first six weeks or so were easy.  Almost too easy.  Then reality set in.  Growth spurts started again.  My two-year-old started acting her age.  Postpartum hormones kicked it into high gear.  After a couple rough weeks, things started to fall into place. I started thinking, “Okay, maybe I’ve got control again.”  Then the baby stopped sleeping through the night, and, well, stopped sleeping in any rational matter.  Naps were scarce.  Nursing was constant.  Night sleeping was erratic. Nerves were frazzled.  Nerves are frazzled.   Recently, I’ve found a few techniques for dealing with the toddler.  I’ve managed to get the baby into a decent nap routine.  But it’s still crazy over here.  By the end of most days, I just want to cry.  I’m in love with my kids.  I wouldn’t trade them for anything, but they are exhausting.

It doesn’t help that I perceive that every other mother has it all together.  That she never has bad days.  That her house is always clean.   It doesn’t help that I perceive every little offer of help as an indication that someone thinks I can’t do this on my own.  And I can’t, so I’m not sure why it offends me.  Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep and the constant pressure I put on myself to appear as though I have things together.  I don’t.  And I don’t think I look like I do anymore.   As a minister’s wife, I’m stuck with getting the kids ready for church by myself on Sundays.  I usually get up and get myself ready before the kids are up.  By the time they’re ready and I’ve ran up and down the stairs ten times and they’re both screaming at me, I look like I forgot to shower and I don’t feel like much of a Christian anymore.  My husband has Mondays off, which has been grocery shopping day for me for the last year and a half.  These days, I still go on Monday, but I rush off as soon as I’ve fed the baby, generally without showering or putting much thought into my clothing.  I look like a nominee for What Not to Wear.  I could probably use the help!

If you’re a mommy, you can probably relate to this.  At least, I hope I’m not alone.  That’s why I wanted to write this.  Not to offer advice or tell you what you’re doing wrong.  I just want you to know that you’re not alone.  That every mom doesn’t have it all together.  That sometimes it gets rough.  Someone told me recently that “motherhood isn’t for the faint of heart.”  I’m living proof.   I’m just banking on the hope that it gets better.  Women have been mothers since the beginning of time, right?

I do want to add, though, that if you’re dealing with feelings of hopelessness, thoughts of harming yourself or your children, anger or other extreme emotions, please talk to someone.  It’s okay to admit that you don’t have it all together and that you might need help.  You’re not alone.

Stacy is a frazzled SAHM to a very active two-year-old, Kate, and a five-month-old Mommy milking machine, Jackson. She is married to Kraig, her wonderful youth minister husband of four years. They live happily in Virginia’s beautiful Shenandoah Valley. You can read more from Stacy at her blog, Stirrups, Stretchmarks and Snotty Noses.

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  1. oooooooooh Stacy…,

    If you could only see my house right now. Or any day for that matter. Or the fact that I’m at a loss because K is petrified of her bedroom right now. Or how I can’t cook hardly at all without getting sicker than a dog at 32 freaking weeks. Or how I’ve put on make up once in 3 months. Or that I’m 32 weeks, wondering HOW iN THE WORLD am I going to make it through TWO MORE MONTHS of this pregnancy???????? So no, you are definitely not alone. I have NO clue how I’m going to make it through having 2 kids when I feel like 1 is hard enough!

  2. Why did my original comment go to Facebook?! Oh well, thanks Stacy! Loved reading this, especially today.

  3. I hear ya, Shaina! Being pregnant while dealing with a toddler is hard enough! Hang in there! It’ll all be worth it when she gets here. It probably won’t be easy, but there’s nothing better than the love of our sweet kiddos!

  4. @Erin – There are 2 comment boxes…The first one is connected to Facebook, the other one is not 🙂

  5. Thank you Stacy! I thought I was the only one struggling! I just went back to work full time with a 8 week old and a 3 year old. I cry to and from work everyday…to work because I’m leaving my boys and from work because I’m so exhausted!! I’m hoping juggling everything eventually will work out but right now all I want to do is crawl into a fetal position! But it’s nice to know that I’m not alone

  6. Sometimes, I guess as a coping method maybe, I try to tell myself that EVERYONE is totally out of their minds with stress all the time, to feel a little more normal. But I know that can’t be right either, or why would anyone ever have kids or more than 1 kid?

    I think it has to be somewhere in between…that yes, we all have messy houses some of the time and are going nuts with trying to make things good and neat and perfect some of the time. But I don’t think it’s no one or everyone all the time…does that make sense?

  7. @Kristine, Sorry you’re feeling that way, too. It’s no fun! @Krista, I can see how people end up with two kids. That’s when things get crazy. More than two, I’m not so sure about! Unless they’re years and years apart. You’re right, though. We all struggle sometimes. Part of the battle is learning to accept that it’s okay for your house to not be perfect all the time or for you to say no to doing things that just add to the stress. Sometimes playing with your kids or giving yourself a break is so much more important!