Yesterday, Alex and I were having lunch with the boys at our friends’ restaurant. A group of older ladies at the table next to us were admiring our babies while having a little luncheon. When they finished their meal, each of the ladies came over to get a peek of the babies.
Lady to baby Cole: “You’re Pretty!”
Will, who is obviously jealous of all the attention the babies are getting, blurts out, “I’m Will!”.
I thought it was pretty cute.
Another admiring lady stopped by our table on the way up to the register and felt that she had some insightful wisdom that she needed to bestow upon me. She came over and whispered in my ear, “These babies can wait if they need something, but if he wants milk or anything, you stop and get it, they can cry…” I just kinda shrugged off and said, “yeah, I know”.
But in the inside, I felt terrible. How on earth did she think that would be a helpful comment? I wanted to cry. It’s hard enough dealing with the guilt that I can’t give the twins the same individual attention that their brother had when we was a baby. I wish I could give all of my kids my undivided attention, but that’s just not possible, unless I only had one child.
I usually don’t mind curious people’s comments about how we’ve got our hands full and the like, but this particular comment really got to me. I never anticipated that someone would have the balls to say something like that to me. Sure, I realize that she is probably dealing with guilt or feelings from her own past experiences bringing up children. But there has to be a better way to “help” people not make the same mistakes.
People of the world, comment on my family all you want. In fact, ask me a million questions about them if you’d like. But let me make my own mistakes, that’s all I am asking. If I need help, I will ask people who know and care about me and my family how to handle it.
What comments have really eaten away at you in your parenting experiences? How do you offer your wisdom in a way that will not be damaging to a mother’s emotional state?